Mental Resilience Tips and FAQ

It is easy to be overcome by anxiety right now as you face concerns about your health, your job, your finances, your family and friends, and your future. It is also essential for your mental and physical wellness that you focus on calming your body and mind to reduce the stress. Here are a few helpful ways to do that:

Focus on what is in your control. Find things in your world that you can manage, such as what thoughts you allow your brain to focus on, what you eat and when, how you communicate with others and share your feelings, who you connect with and how frequently, moving your body, and building a structure and rhythm to your day.

Practice radical acceptance of what is. Acknowledging that our current circumstances are out of your control can be powerful. Allow yourself to accept what you can't change and see it as the new landscape we are all living in. When we resist what is happening, it can cause more distress and anxiety. By accepting what is, we can relax our nervous system.

Plan out your scenarios. You may find yourself thinking throughout the day about "what ifs". Take some time to sit down and write out three scenarios:

1. The Best Case: How you would like things to work out.

2. Plan B: What you'll do if things become more challenging.

3. The Worst Case: How you are equipped to manage if things got really bad.

Once you plan your scenarios, you can shelf your worries. Then next time you start thinking about "what if" remind yourself that you already have a plan.

Start a gratitude practice. Research shows that when you write down what you're thankful for, you feel better. Focus as much energy as you can on what you are currently grateful for in your world, such as your current health; your home; your grocery store; water to drink; people that love and support you; resources you can access to take care of your needs — or more simply, the sunshine, a warm breeze, or a hot cup of coffee.

First, remind yourself that allowing catastrophic thinking is not helpful for your wellbeing and those around you. Stop your unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more grounded ones, like "This is a temporary crisis and it will be over. I have made it through other difficult times; I will make it through this one. There are a lot of people that want things to be better and are working daily to make it happen. Shifting your mental state will calm you down and stabilize your thoughts.

Next, get some perspective and look at humanity through its entire life span. We have survived world wars, past pandemics, and great depressions. These experiences have caused us to grow and become more well-adapted as a species and a country.

Finally, focus on the innovations that will come from this, like a more prepared and informed medical system or a common global goal of working together for the greater good. For example, the Renaissance art period came after a great pandemic. Beauty and life always find a way.

Distraction can be a useful temporary coping skill, especially when you are in a waiting place. Finding ways to occupy your mind serves as a good escape from focusing on the difficulties at hand. Try some of these ideas:

Create: Set up a puzzle, use YouTube to learn to draw, do crafts, bake, or cook with a new recipe.

Move: Use LifeTime virtual workouts or other at-home workouts to keep yourself moving. Not up for a full workout? Try quick bursts of movement to get your heart rate up and take away your worries, like high knees, jumping jacks or mountain climbers. Calm your body and mind through stretching, yoga or walking outside.

Mental Tasks: Come up with a food item for each letter in the alphabet, come up with names for each letter in the alphabet, search for something in the room in each color of the rainbow and name it out loud (red blazer, orange hat, yellow frame).

Brain Games: Play games like Candy Crush or Solitaire on your phone, complete a Soduko or crossword puzzle, use brain training apps like Lumosity or Happify.

Complete overdue tasks: Clean out a closet, go through old photos or organize files.

Focusing on the crisis in front of you day after day can get very heavy. It is vital for your physical and mental wellness that you take steps to lift the burden so that you can feel better. Here are a few ways you can lighten the mood:

Connect with your sense of humor. Find those key moments to step away and laugh. A sense of humor is known to boost resiliency and get you through tough days. Scrolling through cat memes, watching sitcoms or funny movies, and playing games like HeadsUp or Pictionary can help get the healing belly laughter rolling.

Practice self-compassion. Things might not be going the way you want them to, and the reality is this is part of the human condition. Acknowledge your difficulties and stresses just as you would for a dear friend, with kindness and compassion. Be kind to yourself by taking more breaks than usual, rewarding yourself at the end of the day, or making a "vacation" day where you spend time relaxing like you would if you were out of town.

Escape into your creativity. Do some DIY projects around the home or build a fort, (even if you don't have a child in the home;) Draw, paint, create with whatever medium is available to you. Sing and dance like no one's watching or have a karaoke break with your family. Tapping into your playful side can ease and release the tension.

When we feel little is in our control, we can feel a sense of helplessness and heightened stress. That's a natural response from our nervous system. To lessen the impact of stress, we can choose what we focus on.

Focus on what you CAN control with mindfulness. Immerse yourself in your day-to-day activities. When you eat, pay full attention to the tastes and smells. When you talk to others, really listen with thoughtfulness. When you get into bed, feel the warmth of the blanket and your weight against the mattress.

Do what makes you to feel safe. Cocoon in a blanket for movie night, meditate before getting out of bed, take a hot bath, cuddle with your pet, hold your family members close, cook meals ahead of time, make sure you have your basic necessities on hand.

Reach out to others with genuine care. The heart is a muscle we can flex. Connect through video and phone calls. Set up a dinner party with your friends over Zoom or share your child's drawing (or yours!) in the window with your neighborhood. Greet your neighbors when you're on a walk, contribute to a charity that matters to you, give blood. Connecting and giving actions make us feel like we matter.

It is helpful to remember that you are in charge of the negative content you consume right now. Limiting your exposure to only "need to know" information can decrease your worries and protect your hope. Remind yourself daily that this time will come to an end and do your best to focus on the good things in your life.

When you find yourself stuck in a negative spiral, it's time to shift your thinking consciously. The more you stop the worry and refocus your thoughts, the easier it will be to avoid getting stuck. Here is a simple four-step exercise:

1. When you find yourself ruminating on things that concern you, tell yourself out loud — STOP! This interrupts your brain so you can input new thoughts.

2. Next, assess the worry. Is it in your control? Can you take action and it will get better? (For example, if you're worried about paying a bill, can you call     the service provider and make a different arrangement for now?) Take action on any worry that is in your control.

3. If your worry is out of your control, it's time to shift your thoughts. You need to move from thinking about your concern to the potential silver lining of     the situation. Force your brain to be realistic and optimistic. (For example, if you're worried about when the crisis is going to be over, think about what     the slowdown is allowing you to do that is positive. Maybe it’s allowing you to increase your self-care or spend more time with your partner or family.)     Move all out-of-control worries to find the silver lining.

4. Finally, write down all your silver linings. When your worries pop up again, revisit your list and read it out loud to remind yourself of the positive in your     life.

Whether you have lost your job, been put on leave or had your role rearranged, it can be hard not to take it personally. It can be helpful to step back and take a big picture view, acknowledging the following:

1. Everyone is affected by what is happening right now — not just you.

2. Your company is making decisions for the good of the business so that it can survive this crisis, which will help you in the end.

3. The reason for employment changes under these circumstances isn't about individual performance. It's about financial stress on the business.

If you can look more objectively about the circumstance, it can rescue you from the mental trap of over-personalizing a global issue.

Our feelings follow where we focus our thoughts. If you want to feel better, choosing to repeat positive affirmations throughout the day can be very helpful. A positive affirmation is an uplifting statement that empowers you and grounds you in reality. Here are some examples you can start using right now:

Good things are still to come
I am strong and have survived many things
I choose to be happy right now
I am letting go of fear
I am safe; I am well
I have enough; I am enough
In the present moment, I have everything I need

Everyone has two sides to their personality: a good side and a shadow side. Most days, we operate on our good side, typically pleasant and cooperative. Our shadow side tends to emerge when we are under high stress, pressure or even sometimes when we are bored. You can see why we may not be getting the best of people these days, which can really take a toll on our relationships. Here are a couple of tips to manage this experience:

1. Understand your shadow side. Do some thinking about how you show up when you're stressed out. Do you get big and loud or become quiet and     isolate yourself? Do you miss details and not follow through, or do you have the urge to organize everything around you? The more you understand     about yourself, the more insight you can give those closest to you about what they can expect from you right now

2. Talking with others is essential. It can be helpful to have a discussion with your family and/or co-workers about how each of you feels and behaves     under stress. This clarity will increase empathy and reduce hurt feelings. Having an informed perspective allows us to offer each other space and grace     to work through feelings when we aren't quite ourselves.

Keeping as much of a "normal" schedule as possible is essential and helps everyone feel more in control of their environment. Set up a family structure and stick to it. For example: Get up and go to bed at similar times, clean up and get dressed daily, post a schedule for the day that includes work and play, establish together times and alone times, and create spaces in the house specific to work, school, and play.

Simultaneously working and caring for children is a big challenge. Your job and your child's wellbeing are high, competing priorities. You may be feeling pressure to work even harder to prove your value in this tenuous climate. You also may feel concerned about your child staying engage in their school work. Now is the time to reset your expectations and be flexible. Under this type of stress, both you and your child may not be able to give 100% to the tasks at hand, and that's okay.

Emotions are running high and togetherness can get overwhelming. It can be hard to manage your own feelings right now. But remember, you are the adult, and you need to regulate your emotions. It is not your child's responsibility to soothe your feelings or behave so they don't inconvenience you. As a matter of circumstance, your child may be more difficult than usual. Look at more frequent meltdowns as indicators that the overall stress is taking a toll on them. Pay attention to their feelings and make extra space and grace for them to share. They are still learning how to feel and relate and need your guidance now more than ever.

Have a family meeting and talk about what is happening and why life has changed so much. Ask your children, "What do you know?" and "What questions do you have?". These questions prevent you from giving them too much unnecessary information and engages them in the conversation so you can understand what's going on in their little minds.

Social media can be a helpful way to stay connected while we are social distancing but too much, especially if it is negative, can start to affect your perspective on your life and the world around you. Take control of your usage to feel better by trying the following ideas:

Notice what accounts leave you feeling exhausted, upset, unworthy or not enough. Unfollow these accounts and choose instead to follow accounts that uplift you. Follow positive accounts like Upworthy or TankGood News.

Post uplifting photos or quotes. Post your favorite people, places and pets and tag others to do the same. Create your own hashtag, such as #quarantinefurbabies, or find hashtags that are positive and join in.

Detox from your phone with a digital fast. Permit yourself to focus on your mental wellbeing by taking a break from social media for a while — a day, a week or even longer, if it feels good. It'll be there waiting for you when you're ready to reengage.

Use other forms of online connection. Apps like Zoom, House Party, Skype and FaceTime allow you to filter who you connect with and how you spend your time communicating with others.

Loving-Kindness Meditation focuses on developing feelings of love, wellness and compassion toward yourself first, and then to extend those feelings onto others. Studies show that this type of meditation can:  

Increase positive emotions such as joy and hope
Increase social connection
Increases empathy

The best part of Loving-Kindness Meditation is that it is simple and effective in small doses. Here is a brief practice we encourage you to experiment with today:    

1. Sit quietly with your hand on your heart. Feel your chest move as you breathe deeply in and out. 
2. Picture a warm light around you. 
3. Speak these words out loud or to yourself: “May I be well. May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be at ease.”
4. Think of someone you know who needs support. Hold them in your mind and cast the warm light upon them as you speak these words out loud or to      yourself: “May they be well. May they be safe. May they be happy. May they be at ease.”
5. Think of humanity as whole. Our entire globe of people in need of healing. Hold the collective group in your mind and cast the warm light upon them as      you speak these words out loud or to yourself: “May we all be well. May we all be safe. May we all be happy. May we all be at ease.” 

We are all deserving of wellness and peace. Do your part by taking care of yourself as well as contributing to raising the wellness of our world.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18954193

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23649562

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22661409

“In times of uncertainty, your habits can ground you. When you feel overwhelmed, practice one minute of mindfulness. When you feel restless, do a 1 minute workout. When the world seems uncontrollable, focus on what you can control.”- James Clear

Baby steps add up and eventually become entire leaps forward. The more you believe you can do something, the more likely you are to do it. And that belief in yourself can be built through the action and consistency of small steps — and a positive mindset. 

Let’s say you want to write a book. Now just might be the time. It is easier, more exciting, and much more sustainable to write a paragraph a day than it may be to write several pages. Over time that one paragraph becomes many, which then becomes the whole book. Writing slowly becomes part of your identity: “I am a person who writes,” rather than something you force yourself to do: “I have to write a book.” By focusing on the system (writing) rather than the outcome (a book), you can reach the outcome regardless.

This can apply to any goal. Want to run a marathon? Become a person who runs a mile at a time. Want to organize the home? Become a person who tackles a small unorganized area daily. Want to have a successful career? Become a person who is present one meeting and project at a time. Want to meditate? Become a person who sits in silence for a single breath at a time. 

If you get 1% better every day, you will become 37 times better over the course of just one year. So, go ahead — act small to think big.

Where to Start:

Focus on SMART goals: These goals are Specific, Measurable, Action-based, Realistic, and Time-lined.

Consider the smallest version of your goal and begin there. For example, putting on your running shoes and stepping out the front door is the very first step to running a 5K or marathon. 

When overwhelmed with what to do next, use the S.T.O.P tool: Step back, Think, and Organize your thoughts before Proceeding.

References: 

1. Bandura, A. (1977) Self Efficacy: Toward unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review.

2. Clear, J. (2018) Atomic Habits.

3. George T. Doran. (1981) There's a S.M.A.R.T. way to write management's goals and objectives. 

4. Gallwey, W.T. (2000) The inner game of work.

“Enjoy the little things. For one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault

Look around. What are you grateful for in this moment? What is one compliment you can give yourself?  Welcome to the experience of gratitude. This positive emotion is handy whether you’re working from home, collaborating in the office, connecting with your family or out for a solo jog.  

There’s power behind something as simple as gratitude. A daily practice is shown to have a physical positive impact: it can lower blood pressure, alleviate stress, and improve immune functioning. It also has a pleasant effect on our moods, contributes to stronger relationships with partners and coworkers, and yes, it increases our happiness.  

Consider your brain. When you express gratitude, your brain releases dopamine and serotonin. These neurotransmitters are responsible for feelings associated with happiness. When released repeatedly (say through a daily gratitude practice), their neural pathways are strengthened — and much more readily available for our use. So, practicing gratitude when its easy (like when you’re calmly watching the sunset) can help you to access it when it’s more challenging (like when you are on a new team or project).

Those with a grateful mindset naturally are more positive. By paying attention to life’s simple joys, individuals can be more present. Imagine the trajectory of happiness that can take place over the course of days — and years — of employing gratitude. We can choose to practice this powerful capability and directly impact our level of wellbeing.

Here are three ways to practice gratitude in your day-to-day life:

1. Self-appreciation: Don’t be afraid to compliment yourself. Too often, we downplay our achievements or nitpick imperfections. Instead, take time to     write down your talents, successes, and attributes. Better yet, say them aloud in front of the mirror as you prepare for the day. Need a little nudge? Ask     a trusted friend to help you get started. It can be as simple as, “What makes me a good friend?”

2. Journal: This is the most well-known of gratitude practices. In taking time to write down a list each day, you purposefully choose a positive mindset.     This list can include compliments, how you are overcoming challenges, the people in your life, or what brought you (or will bring you) joy in the day.

3. Tell Someone “thank you”: This is an opportunity to connect with the people who make all the difference in your life. You can say thank you in a     multitude of ways: writing a thoughtful note, making a dinner or another gesture of love, calling them and telling them out loud or sharing a treasured     memory. Simply let that person feel important.   

Resources: 

https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/

https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/making-gratitude-part-everyday-life-tips-dr-robert-emmons